How To Remove 40 Years Worth Of Debilitating Self-Doubt
There are 7 critical areas of self-doubt that can stop your forward journey. Here’s how to beat them and enjoy the ride along the way.
Removing self doubt to have the courage of a lion.
THE BRIEF
Time to read: 5 minutes 10 seconds
Time to action: 6 minutes
Mantra: Time to tackle a generational truth
Main message: Time to teach yourself to think better of yourself
Stat: 85% of the UK population reports feeling self-doubt
Is it contentious to say our hearts go out to millennials and Gen Zers? It’s not to perpetuate a circle jerk of self-pity. It is not to be overtly woke – it’s just a recognition that things are indeed challenging. And frankly, it's getting tougher.
What they have successfully done as a generation is bring into sharp focus things that hit us all hard. And they’ve been ballsy enough to talk about it. Do any of the following sound familiar?
Self-parented, early independence, resourceful, self-sufficient.
Savvy but cynical.
Latchkey kids.
Hyper vigilant and constantly, mildly depressed.
Quietly trying to figure it out but only by yourself.
Lack of self-trust holding you back.
These are some of the self-doubt traits that defined the Gen X experience. Self-doubt hits hard at any age but it’s now okay to talk about it.
Below are the 7 areas loaded with the most self-doubt, along with some of the latest research to remind us to keep pushing forward. So allow yourself to be reminded how brilliant you really are.
The fear of failure
WE SAY: “I am afraid of doing things badly”
SO TRY: Embracing advancing over perfection
Perfection is utterly unattainable. Making mistakes is an essential ingredient of growth and learning. Failures set a bar to step up from, not to be crushed by.
If you can honestly say to yourself, “I know what to do”, or “I know what not to do” for next time, then congratulations my intergenerational brethren: that is personal growth! And do you know what it’s not? The fear that breeds self-doubt.
The potential perils of the comfort zone
WE SAY: “I’m fine where I am now”
SO TRY: Comfort in 70/30 ratios
Challenging your comfort zone is not a new concept – pushing yourself to try new things that stretch your capabilities is essential. However, the idea that that’s all you should do is nonsense. It may sound bold, but who can realistically spend all their time doing nothing they’ve done before?
Practically, spending 30% of your time in new territory is an absolutely brilliant step. Try a 70/30% rule (either by day or by week). You’ll be amazed at how much more you can add to what you already know.
Being afraid to ask for help
WE SAY: “I don’t know how to move forward”
SO TRY: Look outwards, not inwards, when you hit a wall
Thankfully, we now live in a time when the One Man Army idea is utterly outdated. You are no longer expected to do everything yourself. Instead, you’re actively encouraged not to, and support networks are openly available.
The best four words we can offer you in helping to eliminate self-doubt are “seek support when needed”. Whether it’s a friend, mentor, professional service, or something else, the guidance provides valuable perspective and, probably, needed reassurance.
It doesn’t matter if it’s at work, at home, or in your head. You no longer have to do it alone. Reach out early and ask for help. Make this a habit, and you’ll be surprised by the opportunities that arise. It’s empowering to feel yourself coming unstuck.
Not feeling physically confident enough
WE SAY: “I don't feel physically confident”
SO TRY: Changing your shape
You’ve probably seen Ted Lasso’s Rebecca Welton transform into a scary bear in the mirror, so what more inspiration do you need? Wonderfully, as with so much of Ted Lasso, it’s an exercise rooted in great well-being practice.
Adopting confident, expansive body postures, like standing tall with arms outstretched, can influence your mindset and boost feelings of self-assurance. It’s a FORM favourite and, as foolish as you may feel, it makes you feel your physicality.
So be more Rebecca and throw some animal shapes – after all, don’t we all want to live in Lasso world?
Doubting your own creativity
WE SAY: “I’m not expressive enough”
SO TRY: Create time and space for creativity
There is a popular misconception around creativity - that either you are a creative person, or you’re not. But the truth is, it’s not about having a muse. Instead, it’s a muscle, that can be developed with two things all “creatives” hate: discipline and structure.
If you allow yourself a designated time and space, every day, to engage in “expressive extrapolation”, your mind will wander to where it wants to be. In other words, it will get creative. Play music you like. Create a space you want to be in. Ennjoy it.
You won’t find gold every day, but after a few weeks, review what you’ve found, then edit and develop. Like panning for precious metals, the little nuggets of creative gold will be there somewhere.
Controlling your internal voice
WE SAY: “I’m pretty sure I couldn't do it”
SO TRY: Consciously monitoring your internal dialogue
Inner dialogue is often the Petri dish for breeding self-doubt. The trick is to remain as conscious of your internal thoughts as you are of your external voice.
When you catch yourself self-doubting, replace those thoughts with more empowering statements. Consistently redirecting negative self-talk will gradually shift your mindset. Remember the only person who can tell you that you can’t is you – and even then you don’t have to listen.
Try to register “micro joys” that remind you of what you have achieved. It’s the little things like acknowledging the perfect cup of coffee you made this morning that fire up different synapses in the brain and remind you of the simplicity surrounding personal positivity.
Engage in all your joys – there is no such thing as too small – and see how your brain moves more freely along the newly discovered “What if?” freight train of thoughts.
Fear of the unknown
WE SAY: “There is so much I don’t know”
SO TRY: Seek out new perspectives
Yes, there is. And the best advice we could source in our vast pool of experts was this: “Anyone who says otherwise is a liar.” We may have paraphrased a little, but the point is anyone who thinks they know it all, knows nothing.
Now is the time to stress test your self-confidence. If you are keen to push on, can you research how to do it, who can help you, and what you need? If the answer is yes, you're in the right place. If not, the bigger question is, what would you like to know to remove the uncertainty?
Creating that list and starting the first conversation, with through a Google search or an informal chat is where you want to be. Don’t think about the big picture. Think about general education instead. This is the foundation to overcoming challenges.
Fresh insights and inspiration combat self-doubt like almost nothing else. A little education is where it starts, and step 1 is all you need. Then when it comes to step 2, save this article, re-read it, and repeat.
You don’t have to be any more exceptional than you are. But self-doubt is a motherfucker for every generation. The good news is it’s never too late to start being kind to yourself. Think about the SELF(ish): putting yourself first in some instances means you’ve got greater capacity to care for others overall.
Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re off for some smashed avocado.
DR DOG
A cognitive psychologist specialising in those most 21st Century of issues: anxiety and depression. Dog is especially good at delivering actionable answers, removing the rhetoric and hyperbole, and focusing simply and directly on practical information that can be used to help mental health on a daily basis.
