forgiving can make you fitter, as well as feel better. If You Do It Properly
Holding onto resentment can create a grudge match between your body and mind; a stalemate tailormade for fat storage and muscle loss. Here’s how to attitude adjust, for better health.
THE BRIEF
Time to read: 5 minutes
Time to action: Seconds. And the rest of your life.
Mantra: ‘For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind’. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Main message: Few things enhance your body, mind and life expectancy, like forgiving
Stat: The average adult holds seven grudges at once. So you know, don’t. Healthline.com
2023 hasn’t, for the most part, been a vintage year. War might be its defining factor, but failing that there was the Titan sub, the Turkey-Syria earthquake, and Trump’s trial. We all lost a Friend of course and even Twitter turned into an unknown quantity. To paraphrase everyone’s favourite silver screen street walker supporter and 90s icon, Edward Lewis, we are all entitled to be ‘very angry’ with what’s happening around us. But then, once the anger has subsided, are we ready to try forgiving? Perhaps selfishly, if only for ourselves?
Forgiving - currently - is highly underrated. But, it should be noted that if you can do it, the effect it has on body, mind (and longevity) can be quite spectacular. As far as your body is concerned, holding onto negativity can adversely affect fitness performance.
In a ‘Social Psychological and Personality Science’ study, using only physical attributes as the control, participants recalling forgiving moments jumped 30cm, while those recalling grudges managed only 22cm. Additionally, those unwilling to forgive perceived a hill as steeper compared to those recalling forgiving experiences. Holding a grudge, being unable to let go of a grievance - has a major limiting effect on your body’s physical ability to perform to its peak.
The idea of ‘unforgivable’ has become so common in 2023 language. It’s something we all need to address as losing a fitness edge could be the least of our worries. The research is fascinating - if ever you wanted to know how the mind leads the body, this could be all you need to read. Here are the edited highlights - our ‘what and why’ blueprint to peak performance, or, if you like, your very own 10-step programme for grudge recovery. Hopefully, it can help convince even the most stubborn of us that the self(ish) thing to do is to move on in the right way. You’ll only have yourself to thank:
You do it to yourself, you do - Why you need to move on
1. Research in Psychological Science found people unwilling to forgive had more tension in their faces, significantly higher heart rates and much higher blood pressure. Arguably the most important aspect of this research was that these responses weren’t dependent on the severity of the offences or whether the person had reconciled with their offender. Just a glimmer of resentment created the same physiological responses in every case. Essentially a minor grudge makes your body act just as negatively as a big one. Be kinder to yourself.
2. Researchers suggested people who hold grudges become more susceptible to serious illnesses, particularly heart disease. Starying angry at another person literally only hurts yourself..
3. A study in The Journal of Positive Psychology found pardoning yourself for hurting another is easier if you first give yourself a moral ‘OK’.
"One of the barriers people face in forgiving themselves appears to be that they feel morally obligated to hang on to those feelings. They feel they deserve to feel bad. Our study found that making amends permits us to let go.” They showed the guiltier a person feels and the more serious the wrong, the less likely he or she is to self-forgive.
4. People who look at the past through rose-tinted glasses are happier than those who focus on negative past experiences, according to a study in the journal Personality and Individual Differences. "We found highly extroverted people are happier with their lives because they tend to hold a positive, nostalgic view of the past and are less likely to have negative thoughts and regrets. People high on the neurotic scale essentially have the exact opposite view of the past and are less happy as a result. This is good news because although it may be difficult to change your personality, you may be able to alter your view of time and boost your happiness."
Ryan Howell, study author.
What else should I be? All Apologies - Here’s how to move on
5. Research at the University of Adelaide, Australia found it was easier for people to forgive someone if some form of punishment is involved.
6. Punishment could take many different forms. It could be giving someone the 'silent treatment', which in itself is a very powerful psychological punishment. That sense of justice, or getting 'just desserts', is important. However, in interpersonal relationships punishment should not be extreme or vengeful - if it were, this would not help to repair the damage and is likely to make things worse. For forgiveness to work, there must be a sense that negative responses towards a transgressor are being replaced with positive ones. It's not about retaliation, it's about responding constructively and doing something about people's poor behaviour toward you, in a way that works for both parties involved in the conflict." Dr Peter Strelan, University of Adelaide’s School of Psychology.
7. Being hurt by someone makes you vulnerable and a mild punishment will improve your feelings of empowerment so you can reconcile easier. Temporarily take them out of your kindness loop, then include them back into it and you’ll be better suited to move past their mistake.
8. Research at Baylor University found you’re more likely to show forgiving behaviour if you get restitution, but more likely to forgive completely if you get an apology. "The results suggest that if transgressors seek both psychological and interpersonal forgiveness from their victims, they must pair their apologies with restitution”. Jo-Ann Tsang, study author
9. To truly forgive someone you need them to both say sorry and do something about it. “Being able to make someone take responsibility for their actions by making them feel more valuable as a relationship partner will help make you more likely to forgive. Encourage them to believe there’s a carrot at the end for them if they compensate you (verbally and with some sort of token). It’s a subtle skill worth learning if you want to reap the rewards of forgiveness.” University of Miami Study
I’m such a fool for you - The body/mind feel better effect
10. Selective amnesia also seems to play a key part in working towards forgiveness. Research discovered the finer details of a transgression are more likely to be forgotten when the wrongdoing has been forgiven. "It is well established that learning to forgive others can have positive benefits for an individual's physical and mental health. The ability to forget upsetting memories may provide an effective coping strategy that enables people to move on with their lives”. Psychological Science
These expert-approved, scientifically tested methods of forgiveness aren't about anyone other than you. If you want to improve your health, longevity, happiness and fitness, forgiving is the most important gift you can give to yourself. And what better revenge is there than living longer than them anyway? Bastards.
DR DOG
A cognitive psychologist specialising in those most 21st Century of issues, anxiety and depression. Dog is especially good at delivering actionable answers. Removing the rhetoric and hyperbole and focusing simply and directly on practical information that can be used to help mental health daily.
STUDIES:
RELATIONSHIPS
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/07/140714213640.htm
ACTIONS AND FORGIVENESS
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/07/120718090551.htm
GENDER GAP
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/02/110218111352.htm
MAKING AMENDS WITH YOURSELF
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/05/140513132649.htm
REGRETS AND ROSE-TINTED GLASSES
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/05/110502151431.htm
REGRETS AND ILL HEALTH
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/03/110301111503.htm
FORGIVENESS AND JUSTICE
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/06/140618100509.htm
DEPRESSION HEART DISEASE
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/02/140203191727.htm
JUMP HEIGHT
http://spp.sagepub.com/content/early/2014/12/23/1948550614564222.abstract
PSYCHOLOGY
Witvliet, C.V.O, Ludwig, T.E., & Vander Laan, K.L. (2001). Granting forgiveness or harbouring grudges: Implications for emotion, physiology, and health. Psychological Science, 12(2), 117-123.
HEART DISEASE
http://www.cdc.gov/men/lcod/2013/Race_ethnicityMen2013.pdf
REFRAME NEGATIVE MEMORIES
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/04/140418141121.htm